“Hello and welcome to Voice Note Friday. This week I want to talk aboutconfidence and specifically something I think we get quite wrong about it. This is off the back of the fact that I’ve had a busy week not only at work but with my children and one of which who has been taking lots of scholarship tests, one for art, one for sports and trying to get her to understand that she needs to trust in herself. It’s not really about being confident for something but it’s about self-belief and trust and so we have this idea that confident people are the ones who walk into a room knowing exactly what they’re doing.
You know, they don’t doubt themselves, they’re not nervous and who somehow feel completely comfortable in situations that the rest of us, others of us, find intimidating. But having spent so many years working with elite athletes, I can tell you that’s not necessarily how confidence works. In fact, I strongly believe that is not how it does work and it’s not how you should tell yourself that it works because some of the most capable people I’ve ever worked with have also been incredibly nervous, uncertain or full of self-doubt.
And that’s because confidence and capability are not the same thing. You can be exceptionally good at something and still question whether you’re good enough.
Think about an international rugby player running out of Twickenham, which isthe ground for us in England, for England rugby. They might have trained for years, played hundreds of matches and prepared meticulously for that particular game. But that doesn’t mean they won’t feel nervous walking onto the pitch. Ofcourse it doesn’t.
And actually, you know, neither should you want to erase nerves. Those nerves don’t suddenly disappear after all those years of experience. Yet I think we forget that in everyday life. We wait until we feel confident enough to, I don’t know, apply for the job or have a difficult conversation or even like start a business or put ourselves forward for an opportunity. And we tell ourselves often that we’ll do it when we’re ready.
But what if we’re already capable of doing it? What if the only thing missing is the feeling of confidence or is that belief that we need to feel confident?
And one of the things elite sport understands particularly well is the importance of preparation and evidence. And athletes don’t have to rely entirely on how theyfeel on any given day. They can look at the work they’ve done and the training they’ve completed, the skills they’ve developed and the challenges they’ve already overcome. And that gives them data.
It gives them Things that is evidence of their ability to do something and we can do exactly the same.
So here’s something I’d like you to try this weekend.
Think about one thing you’ve been putting off because you’re not feeling particularly confident about it.
Then ask yourself these three things. What evidence do I have that I’m capable?
What preparation would make me better equipped?
And what’s one small step I could take even if I still feel nervous?
Because confidence doesn’t always come before action. Quite often... Well, actually always. It comes afterwards. You’re a very rare person if you just go into things like, well, I’m confident enough to do it. Action creates evidence.
Evidence creates confidence. And sometimes you have to trust your capability rather than waiting for confidence to catch up.
Right, that’s my lesson from the Touchline this Friday.
Have a lovely weekend and I’ll speak to you next week.”
