Fake It Till You Make It Is Misunderstood - Here’s What Actually Works
Why confidence has very little to do with feeling ready
There is a phrase that gets repeated endlessly when people are stepping into something new.
Fake it till you make it.
It is usually said as encouragement, a way of pushing someone to be more confident, more assertive, more willing to step forward before they feel fully ready.
The problem is, it is often misunderstood.
Because taken at face value, it sounds like pretending. Like putting on an act. Like being something you are not.
That is not what I learnt working in elite sport.
If anything, pretending would have been exposed very quickly.
What I learnt in those early weeks was something far more useful.
Confidence is not about knowing exactly what you are doing.
It is about how you carry yourself when you do not.
When I first walked into professional rugby, I had no real idea what I was doing.
I had written before, but not in that environment. Not at that level, not with that pace, not with those expectations. I did not fully understand the systems, the language, or how everything fitted together. I was surrounded by people who had been in that world far longer than I had.
And I was very aware of it.
There is a moment, in those situations, where you have a choice.
You either shrink slightly, hesitate, second guess yourself, and hope no one notices.
Or you step forward, keep your composure, and work it out as you go.
I chose the second, although it would be more accurate to say I learnt to.
Because very quickly, it became clear that no one was going to slow things down for me.
The environment did not adjust to your level of comfort. You adjusted to it.
And the most important lesson in that process was not about knowing more.
It was about how you showed up.
I remember thinking at the time that I needed to keep a “poker face.” Not in a performative way, not to deceive anyone, but to hold my composure long enough to catch up.
To listen properly, to take things in, to ask the right questions when it mattered, and to avoid broadcasting uncertainty before I had even given myself a chance to work things out.
Because the truth is, no one else knew exactly what I did or did not know.
That was something I had assumed.
I assumed that my inexperience was obvious, that everyone could see it, that I was somehow being assessed constantly and found lacking.
In reality, people were far more focused on their own roles, their own responsibilities, and whether I could do what was needed.
And that shifted something for me.
It made me realise that confidence is not about certainty.
It is about composure.
It is about being able to stand in an environment that feels unfamiliar, and still operate in a way that allows you to learn, adapt, and improve quickly.
That is very different from pretending.
Pretending is fragile. It relies on maintaining an image, and it tends to fall apart under pressure.
Composure, on the other hand, is stable.
It allows you to acknowledge what you do not know, without being defined by it.
It creates space to grow.
Looking back, I did not “fake” anything.
I backed myself.
Not because I had all the answers, but because I trusted that I would find them quickly enough.
And that is a much more useful way of thinking about it.
Because most people wait.
They wait until they feel confident, until they feel certain, until they believe they are ready.
But confidence does not work like that.
It is not a starting point.
It is a result.
It is built through action, through experience, through proving to yourself, repeatedly, that you can handle more than you initially thought.
And that only happens if you step in before you feel fully prepared.
So if there is one thing I would take from those early weeks, it is this.
It is not about pretending.
It is about backing yourself before you have evidence.
Holding your composure long enough to learn.
And trusting that you will become capable in the process.
Because that is how it works in elite sport.
And it is exactly the same everywhere else.